chiiro blogging at elowel.org
05-10-09 23:03
Life is mundane. Work sucks. House is a mess. I want to get out of here.

That is all.
12-19-08 23:08
Yay still alive. Cause masses of people read this.

Anyway. I just hope all of you who grew up in states where it snowed know how fucking lucky you are to have 'snow day' in your vocabulary. Seriously. Although, I didn't think the snow the other day warrented every public school closing, but whatever.

So yeah, today or rather, yesterday, was a pretty good day. Got the internet finally hooked up after almost a month and a half. I'm not real huge on watching things over again, so I was about to lose my mind cause I felt like I'd seen every movie we had 50 times, seeing as how we only got two shitty TV channels in. And speaking of, it only took a simple hooking up of a cable from the wall to the DVD player and we now have 70 free cable channels. Hahaha, and that's why my boyfriend rocks, because I didn't know you could do that.

Also got some cleaning and organising done today. We've been here since November and we're still not done putting shit away, mainly because he has so much stuff that there's just nowhere to put it all. And that's really frustrating because he's a total packrat and if he actually just went through his stuff he could probably get rid of 25% of it. I mean seriously, does he really need three possibly broken (and even if they worked, still!) VCR's?!

Ah well, at least no more roommates. And if anything happens between him and I, I'll just kick his ass out. Granted, I'd have almost nothing in the place after that, but at least the option is there.

blah blah blah, anyway. I should go to sleep because I am tired, and that's a pretty good reason to want to sleep.

Fraz, if you're reading this, sorry I didn't call back, but your voicemail was pretty hilarious. AIM me one of these days now that I have the 'nets.
10-26-08 13:50
Why is it so hard to find an apartment?

Seriously. Since when do landlords not even have the common courtesy TO FUCKING CALL YOU BACK. Whether I get the place or not, I'd like a motherfucking call. Three months ago when I was looking for a place, I had the same guy blow us off that did this time around. We looked at the place, filled out the paperwork, and he said he'd call us the next day. No call. So we called him, twice, and emailed him with no response.

No fucking wonder he has so many places available for rent. Either he doesn't give a fuck or he didn't want to rent to me and didn't have the balls to call me back and tell me that.

So him aside, I did also see a fantastic apartment the other day. We had to wait two days to return the app to the landlord directly, and I was a little nervous since there was one girl waiting to see it when we got there, and then another girl when we left. But he did call me and say everything looked good, he was just waiting for one other thing, which I'm guessing is information from the previous apartment I lived with. So I'll know Monday. I hate playing the waiting game, especially since we're getting pretty close to the deadline.

Luckily, we thought the moving truck for our roommates was coming yesterday, but it's actually coming tomorrow, so that bought us some time. Plus, they haven't started cleaning yet so I'm thinking we'll have until Tuesday or Wednesday. But I told the landlord for the other place that I wanted to move in ASAP, so once he approves us, we're outta here.

Here's to hopefully not living with roommates. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.
10-19-08 18:36
Hi, my name is Chiiro and I'm an alcoholic.

Seriously. I have issues. And I hate to say it and admit it, but I do. I almost went two weeks without drinking, and I'm not going to blame anyone but myself, but there's a bottle of vodka in the freezer and I couldn't contain the urges to drink some of it. I had three shots. It tied me over for about an hour, and now I just have the inate urge to drink until I'm silly. I hate this. Is it alcoholism or just a general need to escape reality? I don't know. but I feel like I've let down myself, and anyone who finds out about this, I'll let them down to. I know I shouldn't be drinking, especially with the medication I'm on. Why am I so stupid?

I want to be normal. I don't want my parents to call me and ask me how I'm doing. I don't want my parents to ask if I'm on any serious drugs. I never have, never will. But they just assume. My mother even thought that since I wasn't answering her calls, I may be in jail. What does that say about me? I've been living, mostly, on my own for three years, since I was 18, I've done some stupid things but never anything THAT stupid, but it's like they're waiting for it. They're assuming it. They're expecting it, I guess.
Surveys, yay. 10-19-08 17:19
I have nothing of literary brilliance to provide you, so here are some surveys. No one cares but whatev, they passed some time while I filled them out.

1: Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,A,:
nd

2: Are you single?
Nope. Not too often I say that, har har.

3: Whats your favorite number?
9. With no particular reason why, just always has been.

4: Favorite color(s)?
Pink and black together.

5: Least favorite color?
Orange. It just doesn't look good with anything or anyone.

6: What are you listening to?
Futurama and my roommate's annoying dog barking.

8: Are you happy with your life right now?
There are a lot of things that could be better.

9. Are you involved with anyone?
Involved is such an odd way of saying it. But yeah, already answered this.

10: What was/is your favorite subject in school?
Language.

11.Do you shop at Hollister, Abercrombie, AE?
Uh, no. Not my style. Or price range.

12: How do you make money?
Work at PetSmart.

13: What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?
I've done way too many stupid things to have a number 1.

14: Are you outgoing?
Not really. I'm shy and boring.

15: One word to describe you?
Quiet.

16. Do you like Big Macs?
I haven't had a Big Mac in like.. 8 years, but when I ate meat I liked Whoppers a lot better.

17. Do you want to be anywhere else?
California would be nice. Or, well, anywhere besides Omaha, honestly.

18. Any big changes in your life?
I'm moving in a week or two, other than that not really.

19: What should you be doing right now?
Washing dishes. But that's boring, so I'm not doing it.

THE CAN'S:
Can you do a cart wheel?: No.
Can you touch your toes?: Depends on the day.
Can you whistle?: Sorta.
Can you wiggle your ears?: Yep.
Can you roll your tongue?: I've tried for years, never could.


THE DID'S:
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter? I don't think so.
Did you want to be a rodeo star? Never been a fan of rodeos.

THE DO'S:
Do you believe in God?: No.
Do you know how to swim?: Yes. Not much more than basic swimming and dog paddling.
Do you like roller coasters?: Hell yeah.
Does your car get good gas mileage?: Well, MY car doesn't work because it's a piece of shit, but my boyfriend's car gets decent gas mileage.
Does your family have family picnics?: Family what? Uh, no.

THE HOW'S:
How did you find out about MySpace?: I have no idea. One of my friends probably told me about it.
How many of your friends on it do you actually know?: All of them.


THE LASTS:
Last thing you said out loud?: I'll let you go to sleep, wake you up in an hour?
Person you talked to in person?: Chris.
Person that texted you?: Carrie, talking about some diner in Omaha that was on TV.

THE WHATS:
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Does Subway count? Or some Mexican restaurant, can't remember the name though. Wasn't that great.
What was the last thing you had to drink?: Diet coke.
What's the last movie you watched?: The Toy.

THE WHOS:
Who is your newest friend you added to Myspace?: Couldn't tell you, it's been a long time since I added anyone new.
Who was the last person who IM'd you?: Frazzy B.
Who talked to you on the phone last?: Chris. I had to call him to ask what type of meat I was supposed to get cause I was totally lost.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: Um.. myself and my kitty, Lemon.

SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yeah. I never used to be a crier until a couple of years ago.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: I've cried while in bed, but I don't think I've like, fallen asleep while crying or anything.
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Umm.. I think the only shoulder I've ever cried on was my boyfriend's. Poor guy has seen so much drama.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: Very rarely.
Do certain songs make you cry?: Not unless I'm already in a crying mood.
Do certain movies make you cry? I can get teary eyed. Unless there's obvious animal abuse, then I'll cry.

HAVE YOU EVER:
Hugged someone?: That's a dumb question, of course I have.
Been on the phone until the sun came up?: Yeah, used to not be able to shut me up.

CURRENT:
Current mood: Crazy.
Current hair style: Shoulder length, black.
Current desktop picture: Not using my computer.





JANUARY

1. Who kissed you on new years?
No one. I don't even remember what I did for New Years.

2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?
Maybe, but I don't remember what they were.

3. Does it snow where you live?
Yes, unfortunately.

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
It's alright.

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
No. Wouldn't want to, way too many people.

FEBRUARY

1. Who was your Valentine?
Didn't have one.

2. When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class?
Of course. I was glad when that was over.

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Not really.

MARCH

1. Are you Irish?
Nope. Italian mostly, I think.

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
I have before, but I really dislike when people pinch me when I don't.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2008?
Nothing. My ex-roommate brought a kitty home for me, though.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Always. I wish I could wear t-shirts year round.

5. Anyone's birthday in March?
Taylor Hanson's, Roxanne's, my sisters.

APRIL

1. Do you like the rain?
Absolutely. Which makes me feel bad because Chris hurts when it rains, but it makes me think of home and it's just pretty.

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
No, but I have in the past.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
I did when I was a child, but I don't celebrate it anymore. Don't like chocolate that much, honestly.

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
This was the first year I did, and it was awesome, thank you.

5. Do you love the month of April?
Don't hate it, don't love it.

MAY

1. What is your favorite flower?
Don't have one, really. Lilacs are pretty.

2. Do you like the spring?
Any season that isn't the extreme is fine by me.

3. Finish the phrase "April showers".
bring May flowers.

4. Do you celebrate May 16th:
I don't know what May 16th is.

5. Is there anything special about May to you?
Yeah, it's my birthdaaaaaaaaaaaay month.

JUNE

1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
2005.

2. Are you doing anything fun during this month?
Well, the month is half over so probably not. Unless moving all of my shit counts as fun.

3. Have a favorite baseball team?
No. Don't watch baseball.

JULY

1. What will you do on the Fourth of July?
Probably nothing. This year I quit my job and drank a bunch to celebrate my freedom.

2. Are you going on any vacations during this month?
No. It'll probably be a very long time before I go on a vacation.

3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
No need to at this point, but even when it's hot I try to regulate it.

AUGUST

1. Are you doing anything special at the end of your summer?
The end of summer just means the end of super hot weather to me, nothing more.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '08?
Going to Philly to finally meet Carrie in person. It was fucking rockin.

3. Did you have a sunburn?
I don't sunburn.

4. Did you go to the beach a lot?
I live in Nebraska so uh.. no.

SEPTEMBER

1. Will you be attending college/high school?
No. oddly enough, I'd like to experience dorm life, but I have no reason for going to college. And no money.

2. Whos your favorite teacher?
I don't go to school.

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Hell yeah. I'd much rather take lower temperatures and raining to sweating myself to death.


OCTOBER

1. What was your last Halloween costume?
Prom Queen. I wore it to work at Old Navy, it was both fun and amusing, since I never went to prom.

2. What is your favorite candy?
Reese's, for sure.

3. Who's birthday is during this month?
Zac Hanson's is the only one I know of.

NOVEMBER

1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
Um, I'm pretty sure last year I didn't do anything. Probably this year I'll be invited to Chris's family's thanksgiving even though they all hate me, and maybe we'll have our own, don't really know, don't care that much. As long as I get at least one piece of pumpkin pie, I'll be okay.

2. will you get tattooed?
Not in the month of November, too expensive, but I'll definitely get another one eventually.

3. What are you thankful for?
Chris. I'm thankful that I can be loved and love someone.

4. Do you love stuffing?
As long as it's vegetarian.


DECEMBER

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
I try not to.

2. What is December 1st, 2008?
the first day of december?

3. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
No. This'll be the first Christmas I'll be with someone.

4. Get anything special last year?
I got some cool stuff, nothing really 'special' though. I spent my Christmas alone and drinking. It was fun.

5. What do you want this year?
I already have what I want.
10-15-08 10:13
I think God is smiting me. Mainly because I said I'd smite him. And also because I like the word smite.

Anyway. After all the drama last week, I haven't had sex in well.. like a week, so I was preparing myself to put on the moves after work yesterday, and my period started. :( And I am sooo not the type to fornicate during this lovely gift of womanhood (holy sarcasm) so I'm out for another week. Chris is getting more acquainted with his hand though, har har. I told him I'd help him out in other ways than the genitalia and then I fell asleep. I suck at being a girlfriend.

In other news, I'm broke as a joke and trying to move. Still in the same city, but Petsmart doesn't allow much room to save money. Everyone cross your fingers that Chris can get disability and general assistance, so we can get help paying rent. Anyway, I'm off to take a shower. Hooray for me.
10-10-08 10:07
So I spent the last two days in the hospital. I won't be calling 911 anytime soon. I had about 4 or 5 seizures in a row, and my dumbass roommate who's a nurse thought it wise to call the paramedics. When they got here, they basically said I was faking it since I'd been drinking. Umm.. DRINKING CAN AFFECT IT, WHICH MAKES IT MORE SERIOUS YOU MORONS.

So that was a useless medical bill I'll have to pay. And then I had two more seizures and my dumbass roommate took me to the hospital. Very much against my will, seeing as how Chris had to lie to me as say we were getting cigarettes (yes, I wasn't completely aware of what was going on, I admit it) as he's carrying me over his shoulder, and then all of a sudden I was like, wait, we're going to the hospital, and I was kicking and screaming and crying, and when I was put into the car I kept trying to open the door and get out. I'm such a douchebag drama queen, but I did apologise for my behaviour later on and he understood how terrified of hospitals I am.

Did MRI and CAT scans and they found nothing, which sucks. But I was put on Dilantin, an anti-seizure medication and I guess we'll see how it works. I do just want to say though, this hospital stay did not make me like them anymore. I was met with hostility, rudeness, no sympathy, and I got ignored most of the time (even after asking several times to see a doctor or SOMETHING, I got nothing), and they also kept me a lot longer than was necessary. Oh, and they wouldn't let me go down and smoke a cigarette, even if I was in a wheelchair (and at first I said Chris could come with me, then suggested a nurse, but the nurse refused). So yeah, fuck hospitals and all this bullshit.
10-05-08 02:58
I'm in a bad way at the moment.

You know those roommates I gushed about in earlier entries? Well, it only takes so long to see the true side of someone, and now I have. Why am I so bad at picking up on people's true personality? The guy is still cool, but his girlfriend has repeatedly insulted and degraded both Chris and I and exhibited the classic 'I'm better than you' attitude, although in an interesting twist she tries to mask it by saying she loves to help people blah blah blah.

The other day we went out to dinner after a rough day for her (long, boring story I won't get into) and she essentially flipped out when I apparently wasn't grateful enough at how we were splitting the bill. When she said she'd pay a little more for it I said, 'Okay, that's fine' already not feeling well from the amount of food and alcohol I had, and she apparently took offense to this, possibly expecting me to get down on my hands and knees and thank her for helping such a lowly person as myself. And then she puts down 50 dollars towards a random couples dinner that night. If you want the gratification, give me the fucking 50 dollars, I'll be appreciative of that.

And now she's bought a house which means, after a mere 3 months, Chris and I will have to move again. And if I'll have the money for that is a question I can't answer at the moment, but I'm thinking it'll be cutting it close. The original idea was that we'd move in with her, on the basis that rent would be 400, only 20 more than it is now. I make around 750 a month so that's about as high as I can go. So then she tells me the other day that, since Chris will be living with me and we'll have the mess of four people blah blah blah, that she's raising it to 600. WTF? She offered us to options in the beginning, a bedroom at 550, or the basement at 400. She knows full and well that I can't afford 550 because I FUCKING SAID I COULDN'T so why the hell would she think I could do 600? I'm thinking this is just a way to get rid of us without actually saying she doesn't want to live with us.

Which is fine by me, to tell you the truth. She has her 'big girl job' (she throws this term around frequently) being a nurse and makes a hell of a lot more money than I do, yet she continues to eat our food and drink my alcohol and smoke our cigarettes and very rarely actually comes through with getting us back for it. So fuck you, bitch, I hope your house falls to shambles and you can't pay for the repairs, and your boyfriend leaves you because everyone but him can see that he's way too good for you and deserves a lot better.

anyway. along with that, chris is depressed as hell and there's nothing I can do for him, and that really breaks my heart. I care about him immensely and only want the best, and I feel so helpless. I've never had great self-esteem, so I can understand the self-deprecating part, but the rest of it I can only sit quietly for as he talks. Which I don't know if that hurts or helps, for me personally, I'd rather someone just listen then respond pretending they know what they're talking about. I think he just feels really alone and I wish I could either relate, or knew someone who could.

So now I'm sitting here at 530 am, slightly tipsy, while he's gone to sleep on Seroquel. I may not believe in God, but if anyone else does, please pray for us.
Breakfast of Champions. 09-17-08 14:43
Ah, indeed. Today my BoC meal was a lemon poppy seed muffin (where I just had to 'Add water!' Yeah, stay away from the Betty Crocker mix, it's gross) and Diet Pepsi. I know, I know.. how could I betray Diet Coke like that?! Cause it was ridiculously expensive and I ain't made of money, honey. Wow I can't believe I just said that.

Moving on. I would like to take a moment to discuss a very disturbing trend I've noticed in society. It's an affliction affecting millions, an epidemic if you will, that is destroying our very species! It's called LAZINESS.

Don't get me wrong, people, I'm as lazy as the next lazy average Joe, but there is a line, and many of you have crossed it. I'm speaking to those of you who are buying sliced frozen pizza, pre-shaped hamburger, and magazines that are giving you your ideas that you're touting as your own. I mean, I buy frozen pizza because I'm not the culinary genius I wish I was, but when you're paying MORE for the 30 seconds it would take you to get a pizza cutter and slice it, that's just ridiculous. I'm not an expert on how frozen pizzas are made (although I have watched the How It's Made episode, didn't retain much) but you know there's a machine they had to make to do that, more energy that they have to use.

Ah, the epitome of human stupidity. Also, to all of you bastards drinking bottled water, buy a damn purifier and stop destroying icebergs before we have none left and we're in even deeper shit than we are. While you're at it, stop buying Kleenex (the brand, not the general term used for tissue) and destroying ancient forests in Canada. If you don't believe me, google Kleenex logging, you'll see what I'm talking about. I don't plan on having children, so I can't say, 'We need to make sure our children have a good future' but at the rate we're going, WE are going to be the generation that destroys the planet.

On a lighter note.
09-03-08 11:01
I don't know if it's just the amount of people, or the people themselves, but online journaling has totally lost it's appeal over the past few years. Maybe it's just because I'm too lazy to make online friends anymore, so no one reads this anyway. Woe.

Anyway. Life continues to plug on. Chris has gone from really hesitant to say that he lives here to saying he loves me and we're doing just dandy, thank you. I'm really quite happy with life. I have someone who loves me, my job isn't that bad (getting better actually, getting more hours and hopefully a raise here shortly), I love where I'm living (the area and the roomies are pretty cool), and I'm not stressing out every five seconds about stupid shit.

It's not perfect, but it's getting there. I just hope that eventually we can save up enough money to get out of here. I gave him a very good selling point for California and now he's honestly thinking about it. I may not be one of those people that gets called back to their hometown, but my home state definitely. Nothing beats it, sorry to say. and especially not Nebraska.

Aaand now I have to go to work. Seacrest out.
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